Went to the movies

Had a wonderful evening went to the movies and for coffee. Did not have to rush any where no time limits. I enjoyed the movie the chronicles of riddick and the company of friend, we cruised the mall, boy has it changed in the last year. I haven't been out much, That's for sure. I didn't know that Kay bee toy store had closed.

Found out now that my buddy Dennis is the new Base player for dickie hamada & the starlighters. Violin, piano, base and what else...Apparently he did not know he played the base either till just recently.

It was nice to hang out for once. Positive conversation and coffee.....

Grrr.....

I seem to have gotten no where. I have more appointments tomorrow,it doesn't seem to end.

I have been thinking a lot about disappearing again. For good this time, dealing with people in general seems to take too much effort. It's just too difficult to get out of bed and get going. I cope by avoiding things it seems to work for me. I just can't stand my ground. If I could disappear it would be better. I would not trouble anyone anymore.

Maybe it is just time to move on to a new horizon.
I am praying a lot lately about God releasing me to go to another church. I seem to be a just a loose canon and trouble maker. I need to just stay out of things or just stay far, far away. I am glad I will be working this Sunday. Working will give me a breather from Church activities. The more I try to fit in the more I seem to feel like an outsider.

I know this is Satan trying to break up and blow apart some thing of God but it seems like I am the only one who cares about accountability. I have been warned by friends I have to guard against attack of being discredited and then me getting discouraged so I back slide, or ask God to take my life like the prophet in scripture. I know if I give up God will give my blessing/anointing to someone else. I know I am not strong in my self to do this feel as though I stand alone.

Phl 4:13 I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.

A person with a prophetic gift told me to guard against this. I have to pray all the more. May be it is time I run.

I have committed this issue in to my Father's hand to deal with, only he can fix this. I can not. I don't have the skill or courage.

Isa 54:17 No weapon that is formed against thee shall prosper; and every tongue [that] shall rise against thee in judgment thou shalt condemn. This [is] the heritage of the servants of the LORD, and their righteousness [is] of me, saith the LORD.


Well it seems I have picked up a few more days at my boat gig weird hours at low pay, but hey at least it's a job. It is actually kind of fun getting paid to jam with other musicians (I would do that for free anyway).

Beautiful ...Not!

I just read an article that pissed me off! MSN posted this report about if how you are beautiful you get paid like 11-15 % percent more than if you where plain. that is such a bunch of garbage.

Society today spends way too much time as it is looking in the mirror. instead of looking where the real beauty of a person lies.

They keeping wanting people with fresh ideas e.g. outside of box thinkers then they reject you because don't come to them packaged in the box they expect you to come in. or they try to spend the rest of the time trng to cram you into a box they like.

Have we as a society become so superficial that we have become blind?

The true alure of a person is not in an outer shell that grows old or in how many years a person carries.

But in how they treat others, how they play with a child and the love that you can see in their eyes.

Society has become so shallow that they forget how wonderful it feels to be held by arms that love you or to bask in the warmth of a genuine smile...

ok I take it back. Got worse than dissed today. Got fired from my job! I thought I did it all. What ever I will get something way better than that.

Another day has gone by and once again I get dissed. Oh whatever I really don't care but just remember I can and will diss you back. It must be true about People only being interested in you when they want something. The number one reason any organization loses people is by making them feel unnessisary or used.

I can and will find somewhere in this world where I will be appreciated, where I fit in (if that is even possible), then I will become too busy to help with their stuff when they ask. Not stupid to get caught again being caring. Actually it doesn't hurt my feelings like it used to (not fittng in) or being accepted by the status Quo.

But Getting dissed by your frends, actually leads me to believe that I am some kind of i don't know(as those well meaning people in my past have said). I should be used to it by now, but some how still makes me feel like crap. Makes invisibility feel like a valuable option. Maybe I am just too gross for words. Sometimes I just hate myself.

I honestly find people tedious and unusally annoying. It would be much nicer if I could get on with out anyone. I an soooooo tired of having to be nice. Sometimes your bestfriends can be worse than enemies. They know exacly what buttons to push to make you wish you where dead.

I honestly don't think the world revolves around me. It is all about God but it is really hard to be christian when you are under attack. And boy does Satan use every one around you and then some to take you out.

I just have to keep asking God for humility and his strength because I know I can't make it alone. I would be a basket case. oh well that is enough whining for now......

Aloha!

I never new how easy it was to get your 15 minutes of fame.
A few point and clicks and now I have my own personal page. Yikes!
Does the world of the internet know what they are in for leting me have the space to go off in public???
This is going to be an interesting ride.