I learned from life.

I learned from life that I can't trust anyone. That the people that you care about most and think you can trust will 9 out of 10 times stab you in the back as soon as they get the chance.

Will leave you in a lurch at the first moment. They will borrow money and not pay you back, And if there is any thing that needs doing leave you to do it yourself even if they are the one that made the mess in the first place. They say one thing then do another. God knows even some of my family has done it to me & more than once too! They tell you one thing do another then they blame their inconsistancy and lies and lack of ethics on "doing what is right" If I did that to anyone I couldn't live with my self. And I am sure I wouldn't get forgiven.

I will never believe someone that says buy me this I will pay you back. It's a lie and don't you forget it.

I am not going to be nice to anyone again, no one is ever going to take advantage of me again!! if that means I turn into the B%&*% woman. I don't care any more they can all stuff it. I don't care if they think I've changed.

If I want any thing done I will have to do it my self or pay some to do it for you.

But they are the first in line when they want something from you.

I will never trust anyone again!!!
Especially if they are male, Most of the men in my life are losers. irresponsible, users, selfish, not supportive, they only care about themselves and what the world owes them, they hurt you and don't care.

I give up why do I care and then I forgive them.

I just have to let God deal with them, but that doesn't mean I won't get mad about it.
I don't have to be nice any more.

If I got back all the money I loaned people I would be at least 10K richer if not more.

only 1 out of every 4 will ever pay you back.

CAn you tell I am still mad............................

Have you read who moved my cheese??

What did you learn from this???

Coolage

WOOHOO!!

My Buddy Wes came over today and helped me wire a phone Jack to my bed room we did a better job than the phone company. Now I have telphone and my HDSL is being put in 3.85 down and 1.75 up. I am going to split the cost with my niece folks. I get to be hard wired into the router too then I can really game after that.

Picked up a couple new games I can't wait to play too.

That is cool all I need is for the wireless 802.11 g router to come in from UPS. And it is taking way too long to get here.

New Jersey Street 

I have been thinking.....

Thinking that is scarey huh?

Well really I have decided that I will never trust anyone again with anything important. If I want something done I will pay some one to have it done and absolutley not a christian contractor. If I can't do it my self. I will never trust anyone especially if they say they are christian.

I have always gotten a better shake from non-christians. They honor their contracts, in my experiance the majority of Christians will renig on deals and skip town with out paying their bills. I fact they are more likely to want something for free, expect you to donate it. Your time your money all for free all for them. And then say that they are still your friend and don't have anything against you, as they knife you in the back and leave you to clean up after their mess.

Some witness or some honor, makes you wonder how they can praise our God with that same mouths.

I should not be supprised that is what scripture said about trust in man and not God. I will from now only trust God and not man especially if the person is christian. they are least of all to be trusted.

They can be the worst liars and thiefs. I will never partner with someone on anything especially if they are christian. Don't even try to listen when they call you friend that is just an excuse to take avantage of you or lie to you.

Especially Christians they are the worst. Satan uses Christians to tear down other Christians.

To blow them out of the water so they back slide.

But that won't happen to me. I still love God and I believe he is going to bless me with the desires of my heart. And I am going to be doing it with non-Christians form now on.

Woohooo I have found my yard

Well it has begun. The first but most expensive stage of my Yard/house clean up. So far today 5 cars, tons of parts, and over 100 tires. I don't believe how bad the tenants were. Today I found out who my friends really are. I felt so bad for them comming and working so hard. they want to come again real soon I can see my house comming together.

We only have one car way in the back the boys are comming tomorrow to take the 2 cars that are outside and then My nephews Duster will be towed to Kalei's house to be fixed. Now that both of them quit their jobs at checkers. The place is evil appearantly with the new boss. They are going to work on my Mazda next they are going to do the clutch.

Everybody worked really hard. My 2 nephews and niece (her dad & cousins run the tow company) they all went above and beyond.

I was kind of hard watching them bust the windows in on all the cars they were towing to the junk yard. Especially on the mustangs.

But things are begining to fall into place we shall see what is going to happen.

another view Yikes 

This is the 2nd Haul 

A new page

I guess it is time to shift gears, my yard is getting cleaner, I will be living alone for the first time in a long time. I am looking forward to it I think I am days to getting the last of the leeches off my property.

Over the last 2.5 years I lost all my siblings either because they died or I got estranged from them. That is okay I have Jesus in my life and I will be fine because He will not leave me or forsake me so I know everything is going to be fine.

It took me to long to learn that if I don't deal with my problems and be responsible for my actions. They will get worse and worse till it explodes. I really had to deal with my disappearing and running a way problem. I could not run this time, otherwise it would follow me no matter where I go. I should know I ran away from a situation with my sister I was in my mid twenties and I left with out saying good bye I told her where I was after I was gone for awhile. She didn't talk to me for the longest I realize now that if I had talked to her that it would have been ok then and not suffered all that grief. Live and learn we finally patched it up a few months later.

I prayed that God remove all demonic presence from my property & stay outside my gate. Now the last of my brothers are leaving. God is so good and answers prayer. I am believing for my blessing because if God takes something away from you he always gives you something better. Because he only has the best in mind for me.

Then I can actually go home straight from work. My brother still refuses to talk to me, honestly it is a refreshing break LOL. Now I can do what I want when I want and how I want. Woohoo!!!


A new page is turning, I am going to start the process to cut my CD. I have 11 songs written and almost ready. I found out I need to put my portfolio together. I found a local recording artist that wants to work with me, and another that wants to help mentor me. It is all so cool.

.I need all you guys to pray for me on this to besure this is what I am supposed to be doing.

I may have to put learning how to do web pages on the side for awhile unless I can get into the webdesign in the local college. My business partner bailed on me last week and he was the one that could actually do the pages. But that is ok because if that is what I should be doing, I can & will learn, I have a couple of leads on people that can help me with that if I need it.

The H. S. said you can learn. I just have to remember that no matter what I do, I can't let my focus on God waiver. Everthing I do is to bring Glory to God. Jesus Christ is my Savior, my Mentor, my Comforter & of course the Love of My Life, Everybody else is inconsequential, especially if they are not about God.

I worked out a deal with another computer tech to refer my more difficult repair jobs to. He will give me a cut if I send people his way.

I always wanted to sing rock song I have a song that is rock/Pop Ballad. I think it rocks, totally not what I have written before now I have to figure out the chords to play the tune and how to play it up to now the only thing I have ever played was hawaiian music.

Well today I lost one of my best friends in the whole world.

Oh no he did not die. He just left with out saying good bye!!

He helped ease my pain through the toughest of times, but when he had to leave he left like a thief in the night.

That is so unfair cause I would have liked to say good bye.

Lord only know that would have been the responsible thing to do. The christian thing.

I wish I had the chance to tell him that he will always be a brother to me. And that he would always hold a special place in my heart, you know the kind you hold for family. The funny thing I was going to release him from his promise to help me. He is like a brother to me.
I only hope that he is not lost forever!!!

You know now my entire family is lost to me. The last 2.5 years has been a nightmare. 2 siblings have died. Now 2 siblings are not talking to me
I am proverbially like Job, just as he lost it all I have lost my entire family including my Hanai baby brother.

I hope and I pray that God always protect them.

I really don't mind at all that he goes, it is what the Lord wants him to do. And that is ok.

But I wish he would have said goodbye before he left. Just so I know he is ok.


I am also praying for him. I am praying that he deals with his problems quickly otherwise they will follow him where ever he goes.

I did this once when I was 26 or 27 to my sister boy was she ever so mad.

I did it because I couldn't face her because I didn't want to see her hurt or angry. It only hurt me all the more. It has taken me 42 years to learn how to stand up and take care of business.
I have been learning to deal with my problems. It is tiring, draining and oh so not easy.

As for my buddy, Lord only knows h0w he helped me through hard times, Sad times.
I only can pray that he does not forget the friendship. And some day he will feel it is okay to contact me. I will give him the time he needs.

Life can be so unfair but I know that God is good to me and what ever he takes away he will give me double for my trouble.

I believe that God will give me my family back and more.

Don't feel that you can't face me.

What about curteousy? It would be the responsible, mature, Christian thing to do?? wouldn't it?

I am back!!!!

I am back!!!!

Not sure that is a good thing or not at this point. I took a mini vacation and stayed the last couple of days with some non-judgemental Christian friends.

It was awesome!!! We spent time reading scriptures and praying together. Just hanging out! Boy was it great!!!! I feel better and I have a new perspective on things.

We prayed for the elections and I feel confident that my candidate will win!!!!

It is so important to keep sight on God and do the God thing!

I realized that I can live in a house of lots of people and still be alone and happy.

That is wonderful because I don't need to be touched by thier issues and junk.

Because it is not about us after all.

I am home alone right now and it feels great I own a 4 bedroom house and have a few people sharing it with me. No one is home tonite and it is great!! I can pray and do what I want.

I am planning to sit down and do my budget and figgure out if I can afford cable or may be dish network. Only thing is that I have to figure in the cost of Dsl too because soon I think I need to be paying for that my self too.

I think actually high speed internet is more important than cable access except for "I am not getting election" results because the area I live in gets lousey reception without cable or something.

oh well I guess I can call one of my friends and get the results later. but that might be ok cause I won't get discouraged by the in between stuffs.


gots to go for now