Grrr.....

I seem to have gotten no where. I have more appointments tomorrow,it doesn't seem to end.

I have been thinking a lot about disappearing again. For good this time, dealing with people in general seems to take too much effort. It's just too difficult to get out of bed and get going. I cope by avoiding things it seems to work for me. I just can't stand my ground. If I could disappear it would be better. I would not trouble anyone anymore.

Maybe it is just time to move on to a new horizon.
I am praying a lot lately about God releasing me to go to another church. I seem to be a just a loose canon and trouble maker. I need to just stay out of things or just stay far, far away. I am glad I will be working this Sunday. Working will give me a breather from Church activities. The more I try to fit in the more I seem to feel like an outsider.

I know this is Satan trying to break up and blow apart some thing of God but it seems like I am the only one who cares about accountability. I have been warned by friends I have to guard against attack of being discredited and then me getting discouraged so I back slide, or ask God to take my life like the prophet in scripture. I know if I give up God will give my blessing/anointing to someone else. I know I am not strong in my self to do this feel as though I stand alone.

Phl 4:13 I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.

A person with a prophetic gift told me to guard against this. I have to pray all the more. May be it is time I run.

I have committed this issue in to my Father's hand to deal with, only he can fix this. I can not. I don't have the skill or courage.

Isa 54:17 No weapon that is formed against thee shall prosper; and every tongue [that] shall rise against thee in judgment thou shalt condemn. This [is] the heritage of the servants of the LORD, and their righteousness [is] of me, saith the LORD.


Well it seems I have picked up a few more days at my boat gig weird hours at low pay, but hey at least it's a job. It is actually kind of fun getting paid to jam with other musicians (I would do that for free anyway).